Every woman marries a husband thinking he will take care of her. That’s why she seeks security, wealth, and status— all the symbols of a good life.
Penelope in The Odyssey married the great Odysseus, whom everyone believes was All That, especially Odysseus. He was a fierce fighter, a strategic king, and a smartass. In short, a Man’s Man, which makes him, a Lady’s Man.
Odysseus strikes a deal with Penelope’s father to win her in marriage. What woman wouldn’t be swept by such a gesture of machismo?
So Penelope falls in love with Odysseus and quickly bears a son. She is happy she found an intellectual equal and a competent partner to rule Ithaca. She anticipates many nights of soulful conversation about Greek stuff.
However… Helen the HOEmewrecker, of her own marriage by the way, ruins Penelope’s honeymoon by running off with a Toy Boy from Troy. Now, new daddy Odysseus is called to go to war with Helen’s husband to reclaim the latter’s scandalous sleazewife.
It’s going to be a lo-o-o-ng battle, says Odysseus, because Troy is fortified and undefeated. So Penelope braces herself and waits. And waits. Five years pass. Then 10 years. Then 15.
Son keeps asking, When is Dad coming home? –Who knows?! Just go memorize your Greek alphabet!
Why isn’t Odysseus coming home? Because of Hot Babes.
Every wife knows that bloodcurdling feeling—when you realize your life has turned for the worse. That your marriage would be one of those failures that housewives gossips about. That your husband did not live up to your expectations, AGAIN. And you are condemned to host drunk parties to 108 hairy freeloaders for years—until someone dies.
Penelope knows that This Is IT. That her Big Time Husband Odysseus has left her alone on the throne with a very killable son. What are Penelope’s options? She can be like her cousin Helen of HOE and literally sail away with a Toy Boy. But what will happen to her son? No. She cannot be that selfish because she is a good mother.
Remarriage is out of the question. First of all, Yuk! Every man for miles around is stinky and disgusting! Second, Penelope does not improve her standing by marrying anyone else. She would rather be the widow-to-be of a heroic egotistic king than be subservient to a gold digging weakling. Third, again, Gross.
Every wife who has felt alone and abandoned would like to believe that her husband will come back to her. But the truth—in mythology and reality—is harsher than your mom’s criticism—he wanted to leave.
There is no time to mourn or rage. Later she will vent, if she finds the time to have friends. But right now, Penelope must survive and protect her son. She needs to maintain her kingdom until her son can rule. Unless of course, by some miracle, her Good Time Husband decides to come back. So for however long it takes, she must command her castle and continue on as if nothing happened.
So now it’s been 20 years and Penelope has accepted her fate. She is steadfast in maintaining appearances—she dresses regally to show she is still Queen; she holds daily feasts to show that she expects Odysseus’ return; she pretend weaves to thwart her sweaty suitors.
Penelope’s stoic composure is seen as love and fidelity—as opposed to her Hero Husband, who has become HOEdysseus. C’mon. Was he really bewitched to sleep with Hot Babes, Circe and Calypso? What man needs to be seduced? There’s only one spell that makes a man stay with a Babe for years and sire sons. You spell it with three letters and it rhymes with Hex.
Odysseus returns
So the Big Man is back! As his long-suffering wife, Penelope’s burning questions are:
1. Why did it take you so DAMN LONG to come back?!
And more importantly…
2. Who was the Ho?!!!!
Of course as a disgruntled wife of 20 years, Penelope can’t help but add:
Oh, so NOW you want to come back?!?! After I’ve done all the work of raising your only son and heir while running a kingdom? After you left me to fend for myself and still protect your throne?
But it’s hard to stay mad at a man who Jason Bournes all the ugly Wanna Bes and extras. He’s still Got It. Even at middle age. Whatta Man. Whatta Man! Yes, he is!
So Penelope bites her tongue. She has waited too long that she can’t waste time fighting with Odysseus on how selfish and thoughtless he has (always) been.
With her husband back, Penelope makes the choice to graciously forgive Odysseus for abandoning her—though he never apologizes. She knows he hides heartbreaking secrets from her. But since this is a mythology, she doesn’t care. She doesn’t nurse resentment. She doesn’t plot revenge. She doesn’t dream of poisoning his wine.
Every abandoned wife, whether actual or emotional, has had to contend with the reality of a returning husband. Too much has changed, that their marriage will never be the same again. But she has learned to deal with the devastating desertion, so she knows she can survive it; that she can survive him.
It’s heartbreaking when you finally realize that this is the end; the fall of a marriage, the death of a Love, and the betrayal of trust. Nothing is so destabilizing as to realize that the one you completely relied on, doesn’t have your back.
It’s enough to make you crazy when you have to accept your ridiculous state: that you married a man you thought would protect you from the Storms of Life, but then it turns out, your husband was the one who brought you a whirlpool of Turmoil.
By Ivy Lopez @IvyDigest on YT, FB, IG, and Linkedin.
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