This is what you get when you upgrade to PAL Business Class

My good friend works for a trillion dollar tech company in Silicon Valley. She’s amazing so I’ll call her Grace. Grace’s family always flies Philippine Airlines every year, often twice a year.

Last June 7, 2026 Grace, her husband Ace, and their daughter were coming back to the US from Manila on PR 104. This time, they paid online for an upgrade to Business Class and got an email confirmation.

Pre-flight

But Ace is a a very detailed veteran traveller. So he called the US Customer Service of PAL three times to verify their upgrade and ask for their assigned seats. The Yes Girl who took his call was accommodating in every way. Her sole mission in life was to say Yes to everything Ace asked for. Ace had no issued boarding pass? No problem. Yes Girl said it will be issued at check in.

Ace had a third check-in luggage which he assumed has the Business Class limit of 70 lbs, but Yes Lady said since Ace was an upgrade he would need to pay for a third check-in but it would only be 50 lbs max. If Ace prepaid before check-in it will cost $150 instead of $200 at the counter.

So Ace, with the help of Yes Lady, tried to pay $150 by credit card multiple times. But it wouldn’t go through because it was “under airport control” so Yes Lady said she will make a Note that Ace tried to prepay so he will only be charged the prepaid rate of $150 at the check-in counter instead of the $200.

Check-in counter

Ace, Grace, and daughter arrived at the Business Class counter on 8:15 pm. They were the only ones checking in and all the other PAL check-in counters were empty. They were met by I Don’t Know Girl whose sole skill is hitting the space bar and Return key seven times in a row. Ace said they upgraded to Business Class online. After three tries, IDK Girl promptly told them “Economy kayo, kasi lumalabas dito Economy.” (You’re in Economy because that’s what it says here.)

Ace explains that he verified his upgrade with Yes Lady from Customer Service. IDK Girl taps space bar seven times…. but still nothing. So she walks two feet away to I Don’t Care Guy whose sole role is to stand idly like a potted plant. They have a four-second discussion. Then IDK Girl taps the space bar 70 more times and then decides that since she can’t find Ace and Grace on the computer then they must not exist. So she turns into a suspicious judge. “May proof ka ba Sir?” (Sir do you have proof?)

Ace shows his credit card payment and email confirmation. IDK Girl takes pics of these phone proofs, hits the space bar 700 more times, consults with IDC Guy three more times, then transfers to a laptop and hits the Return key 7,000 times. After 38 minutes, IDK Girl proclaims, “Sir kahit sa laptop Economy.” (Sir, even on the laptop it’s Economy.)

Exasperated, Ace asks for the manager. In comes Clarenz on angel clouds because he Does Everything. His name ends in a Z because the buck stops with him. Clarenz takes over the computer and finds Ace’s reservation in Business Class. He assigns all three of them seats in Row 4 and prints their boarding pass. Bless Clarenz!

But wait. Ace still has to pay $150 for his third check-in luggage but Clarenz said the price was $200. Ace invoked The Note that Yes Lady made on his reservation. Clarenz said: he cannot find The Note, Ace talked to the wrong person, and by the way, Who did Ace talk to???

Ace showed his call logs to Customer Service as proof. So Clarenz called IT. Still No Go. Then Clarenz found a solution: he will cancel Grace’s reservation for June 7 and rebook her for tomorrow June 8. That way, she can “prepay” for the $150 baggage fee today for tomorrow’s fake flight that leaves today. Brilliant.

Ace makes sure his beloved Grace will be on that night’s June 7 flight. Clarenz assures him. So Clarenz does his magic and now Grace tries to pay. But no…… You can’t pay at the check-in counter. Grace has to go all the waaaay to the Cashier, which is located in Guam.

Clarenz accompanies Grace to the Cashier where he manually inputs all the same data that should’ve been stored in PAL’s system when Ace made the upgrade because the reservation computer is a standalone connected to Yes Lady’s microwave.

It took Clarenz, who Does Everything, 38 more minutes to finish because while he was typing he also had to dispense the allowance of flight attendants. Wow. After this Clarenz will also direct Air Traffic.

To recap. To upgrade to PAL Business Class, reservations are stored in a home computer that runs on Pac-Man software. Customer Service is the wrong person to talk to for anything related to PAL. Ever. Any Note made on your reservation is written on a Post-It that is now stuck to Yes Lady’s refrigerator. Finally, even if The Note says you will only pay $150 for the third checked bag, you must travel to the future to claim it.

Mabuhay Lounge

Ahhhh, the Mabuhay Lounge. It has two things that make it worth the money: the no line bathrooms and the arroz caldo. It’s not crowded so you can always find a free spot to just relax, charge your phone, gorge on pandesal, sip mango juice, play barista with the coffee maker, and flex post on Facebook.

Such BLISSSSSSS —-that Ace and Grace absolutely did not get a taste of because it was 9:48 pm when they left the check-in counter and they still had to go through security and immigration.

Boarding gate

It was almost 10:30 pm boarding time when Ace and Grace reached their gate. The final hurdle. The boarding gate was guarded by the Three Grinches: Guy Grinch, Girl Grinch, Older Gal Grinch. A grinch is a mean-spirited person who ruins other people’s fun.

At PAL, their sole role is to turn off passengers from ever flying Philippine Airlines again. So the Grinches make all passengers hanker to get on the plane by building suspense through the torture of making you wait to board until you stink sweat for an hour to two days.

This day, the Three Grinches cooked up a Musical Chairs scheme with Grace’s Business Class seats. They paged Grace and told her she needed to move seats because her Row 4 seat was for the Million Miler. Remember Clarenz had seated Grace and her family all together in the middle seats. But now the Three Grinches wanted to move her across the aisle.

With no courtesy nor apology, Guy Grinch took Grace’s boarding pass, took out his ballpoint pen, and just crossed out the old seat number and wrote the new seat number. Very high tech.

Finally, boarding begins. Fancy people first. Suddenly, the Grinches page Ace. Annoyed Ace approaches the gate, “Oh ano na naman and problema?” (What’s the problem now?) Girl Grinch looks away. Guy Grinch ignores his question, gets his passport and boarding pass, and waves him away. Ace kept trying to get Guy Grinch’s attention while asking for an explanation but Guy Grinch just snootily turns his back.

Then Older Gal Grinch approached and said, “O, na waive na yung kay Ace?” (Have you waived the one for Ace?) Surprised, Ace again asked for an explanation. But all Three Grinches turned away haughtily.

The Three Grinches now told Ace that all three of them will be transferred to Row 2 so they can all be seated together. “Why?” asked Ace. “We were already all seated together in Row 4.” No response. No apologies.

So the Three Grinches ignored Ace and just crossed out their seat numbers and wrote “2” on their boarding passes.

Before takeoff

By this time, everyone had already boarded and seated. Agitated Ace, Grace, and daughter now go to their Row 2 seats——where three passengers were already buckled in. Their original seats at Row 4 were also occupied. Ace immediately told the Purser the issue. Purser Gilbert assures him it will be sorted out and calls Ground to fix it.

Gilbert, Steward James, and crew member Lily all apologized profusely to Ace and his family. These wonderful Business Class crew quickly fed Grace and her family snacks and drinks, chatted them up, and soothed their nerves.

While the flight crew was managing Ace’s distress, the next 42 minutes is a time lapse frenzy of the Three Grinches repeatedly coming in and out of the plane as they try to cajole the seated passengers in Row 2 to give up their seats.

After giving up their kidneys, the Three Grinches convinced the middle Row 2 passengers to vacate. Finally, Ace and family were seated. The Grinches had successfully delayed the 11:15 pm departure to 12:22 am.

Once airborne, Grace and family were treated to the lavish attentiveness of Gilbert, James, and Lily. These three Airline Angels embody the Filipino’s renowned gracious hospitality. If only we can clone them all!

Why the shoddy treatment?

Obviously PAL doesn’t want you to upgrade to Business Class. So they torment you at every point of your departure: from the online booking that will never be found again, Customer Service that serves no one, to the Gate Grinches who will literally take away your reserved seats.

PAL Ground crew will aggravate you out of your mind so you’ll be so grateful you even got on the plane that you’ll ignore its dinky condition. Because even in Business Class, things don’t work.

Who cares about a seat that won’t recline after you’ve been subjected to IDK Girl and the Three Grinches? Nope. You won’t complain because you’re just happy you can finally sit down in your reserved seat and be at peace for 12 hours in space.